Personal Ascension
Personal Ascension
This past winter, I completed my seventh year of healing the constitutional pattern. As always, I understand that, when I have completed the 90 day process, it is not necessarily ”complete” in the way most people would imagine.
Once the 90 day process is over, a new level of consciousness is activated within me. Yet it will take months, and sometimes the rest of the year, for the healed patterns to emerge, be assimilated, and become part of my life.
For many years now, I have felt complete with the relationships within my birth family. After many cycles of withdrawal, self examination, redirection, and reconnection from a new level of awareness, I have come to a state of inner peace and acceptance of myself and the family members. Whenever some new issue seems to appear, I have only to look under the surface to clearly see that it is not new at all, only my same old pattern resurfacing in a new way.
Only now it has no power over my choices or my emotions; as soon as I identify the old pattern, it loses all its energy and dissolves. Years and years of choosing conscious actions have transformed it, leaving a dried up shadow like a blade of dead grass from last season.
Meanwhile, several months ago, I began to notice that my right hand was beginning to show some inflammation in the finger joints. The joints are larger than my left finger joints, and always a little swollen looking. It has been this way for as long as I could remember, even into my childhood. For some reason, I decided that I now wanted to heal and transform this pattern, and I asked my guides and helping spirits to assist me in identifying the cause of this pattern.
I felt agreement from the spirit world, and knew that the answer would come in time. I let it go, almost forgetting about it completely. Almost.
I awakened this morning with a sudden awareness of a memory that was created when I was a child. (I rarely recall much from the past these days; not that I can’t remember, but that I do not feel the draw to think about things from my past. I am choosing to focus on the present, from a space of feeling very complete and satisfied with the pieces of my life).
This memory that came forth was the remembrance of an event that occurred in my early childhood. It was my first direct experience with karma.
I was spending the summer weeks on my grandparents’ farm in Illinois. On the farm they raised pigs and cattle, and some crops. I loved all the animals, and the most loved animal of all was a horse named Lady.
Every evening, my sister, my cousin Larry, and I would go out in search of Lady, in hope of going for a ride. We were small and dependent on Lady’s mood, as she had to lower her head down for us to put on her bridle. If she was not in the mood, we were out of luck for going riding that day!
Now my cousin was the oldest of the three of us, and at times, I would feel very jealous of him. He was old enough to get up early and go feeding with my grandfather every morning, and I was not invited along. He got to drive the tractor, and help on the farm in a meaningful way, all of which I felt I could not. And the jealousy inside me festered below the surface.
So one day, jealousy surged up into my awareness. I chose to try to get back at him for something (I simply can not even remember what the perceived injury was!), and I began to form a plot against him–drawing in my sister–the youngest of the three. Together, the two of us planned how we would get on the horse together and ride all the way home, leaving him to walk on his own. It was really my issue, but my sister bought into it and joined in on the plan.
When the evening came, I found that I was not too eager to go out looking for Lady. It was all I could do to pick up the bridle and go. Even though my plan to even the score was in play, I suddenly felt unhappy and very heavy.
We found Lady in a pasture across the creek, and she was willing to let us ride that evening. It is an evening that changed my life.
As my cousin and I were taking the first turn on horseback around the pasture, there was a quick coyote bark from the woods to the north. Lady–ordinarily the most unflappable horse on the planet–lifted up her head and shied, jumping to the left. With no saddle and caught unaware, Larry and I went sliding off her right shoulder. I stuck out my arm to catch myself and heard my bone snap like a breaking stick.
As soon as it happened, I knew that the energy of jealousy and resentment I was holding is what drew this experience to me. I walked in a daze back to the house, where my grandparents came barreling out in their Chevy Impala to take me to the emergency room.
I heard an inner voice very clearly explaining to me about karma, and how holding resentment and ill will toward another will always draw difficulty or pain into our lives. It is not punishment, only an opportunity from life, for us to experience the frequency of the energy we are putting out there. Once this frequency is mirrored back to us, identified, experienced, and connected with its causal source, most people will automatically choose to vibrate at a higher and more comfortable level; to take actions born of love and not of fear, anger, and resentment.
Long ago, I had a conversation with my cousin, asking forgiveness for that brief but powerful moment of holding resentment towards him. He was very willing to forgive me, and I was able to create completion and peace in that relationship. So now I wondered why the memory was resurfacing at this time, especially when I had asked to see a pattern of cause at this time in my life. I knew it had something to do with the swelling in my hand.
Then it dawned on me that I had not asked forgiveness from my sister! I had drawn her in to something that was not hers, and in doing so had manipulated and influenced her in a negative way. She may not even remember the truth about it, yet I knew that to clear the rest of this pattern, I must communicate my part with her, even now–some forty five years later.
I am getting ready to do so tonight. This awareness has brought an amazing sense of freedom, peace, and clarity into my physical body sensation. All day, I felt a new intensity of the wriggling, pulsing flame of kundalini moving as a snake from my root all the way up to my third eye. I know this increased sensation in my energy body and my release of this very old pattern are completely related.
Many years ago, a great teacher of mine taught that even ascended masters have human experiences. She was trying to get me to see that even the most advanced souls among us will continue to uncover and discover our own shadow motivation, dark patterns, and misguided choices. As healers, we must be ready to continue to look at ourselves and our shadow throughout our whole life, so we stay current and connected to our human experience. And what a rewarding and beautiful opportunity this is, to live this life and walk this path as a healer on Mother Earth.
In Service and Gratitude,
Kathryn and Michael Sharp
